The Algorithm For Recovery: per[sona Finds New Life With His Alt-Rock Awakening

The emergence of per[sona has been a lifeline for Joshua Aaron Goh (Credit: JX Soo)

Music has a remarkable healing effect that’s sometimes hard to decipher, intangible yet integral in ways that differ from person to person. For Joshua Aaron Goh, his tether to music became his light at the end of the tunnel. Like a guide rope, music pulled Joshua out of a precarious position where he found himself hospitalised in intensive care facing the bleakest of outcomes. Breaking out of the mental abyss and finding the resolve to turn his life around, he adopted a persona that turned out to be his most personal yet – a genuine reflection of his yearning to survive.

Under his per[sona alias, Joshua finds rejuvenation as an audacious musician, taking the artistic risks he now has the courage to pursue. On his poignant debut EP – These Algorithms Don’t Work Anymore that’s co-produced by industry legend, Leonard Soosay – Joshua pieces together an honest portrayal of the struggles that tormented him, and purges them with this materialisation that’s liberating and renewing. Musically, the output of per[sona tinkers with nostalgic anatomies that wouldn’t sound out of place in the annals of ’90s alt-rock, and fine-tunes them to sound contemporary, urgent, and most definitely fit for a loud, live setting. Joshua has the megaphone in his hand, and per[sona gives him the courage to yell from the heart.

There is no mask here. No smoke and mirrors. What you get with per[sona is currently the truest version of Joshua, and it is this raw, refreshing perspective that’s captured the attention of the local music scene. In this interview, he lets me understand his psyche even further, and shows that it’s never too late to embark on the road to recovery. per[sona is his proof of that.

Joshua faces forward with an alt-rock project that sounds invigorating (Credit: JX Soo)

Hi Joshua. How have you been during this lockdown limbo?

It's been a crazy journey from the start of the Circuit Breaker to now, to be honest! To keep it short, I'd just say that it took me a lot of adjustment to get used to and to even start enjoying being home most of the time.

How was it like for you growing up in the local music scene?

I grew up listening to a lot of progressive rock (which is a really different sound from per[sona right now haha) and so naturally, the local bands that I first really got into were In Each Hand a Cutlass and I Am David Sparkle.

“I think there’s so much potential in people that’s been hindered because of the fear of failure.” (Credit: JX Soo)

Needless to say, your press release was a courageous and brutally honest revelation regarding the creation of your EP, touching on your close shave with death. Are you not afraid of revealing these personal aspects of your life? Or has it been a cathartic process?

I do think it’s part of the process, really. Being someone who puts your art out there for people to listen to, exposing yourself in one way or another is inevitable. In crafting the idea of this project, I was initially hesitant to reveal too much about myself, wanting to create a certain distance between me and per[sona, but I decided that if I wanted any output from per[sona to feel authentic, to both myself and the listener, it had to be one and the same. Also, if people could resonate and find some sort of healing from listening to the music, as well as identifying with the stories behind it, I think the risk of revealing too much about myself is worth it.

That is truly admirable. I’m certain that you’ll inspire others with this turnaround in your life, especially by finding your answer through art.

That’s one of the main goals of this project. All I wanted, firstly, was for me to do what I love, and to prove to myself that I could overcome my cycles of self-defeat. But secondly, and more importantly, I wanted people who listened to this EP, as well as those who heard my story, to be inspired to do the same. I think there’s so much potential in people that’s been hindered because of the fear of failure, and I hope to be able to help people see and overcome that in one way or another.

“People who self-destruct, and as a result hurt others, often aren’t bad people, and I hope that people who battle with this don’t see themselves that way too.” (Credit: Adriel Manoe)

Can you tell us more about how music helped you get out of the abyss? Negativity and self-sabotage can truly be a hole that’s hard to get out of.

As a person, I process emotions and thoughts really slowly, and maybe it’s also due to an internal avoidance toward pain. But I think music, as well as the process of writing, helps me process a ton. I see writing as a way of having a bit more of an objective view of what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. I think it’s in that journey of how I, in some ways, become a bit more self-aware and thus identify the realities I need to address before I can get of that ‘hole’, so to speak.

Do you also wish to eliminate the stigma of self-destruction?

Yes, I think when we look at people who give up, whether it’s in the form of self-destructive behaviour or just poor decisions, we don’t see how that behaviour stems from the complexity of life’s situations, and the trauma and toll it takes on each individual. People who self-destruct, and as a result hurt others, often aren’t bad people, and I hope that people who battle with this don’t see themselves that way too.

Joshua’s devotion to his craft keeps him afloat (Credit: Adriel Manoe)

This new release must be a liberating and empowering EP for you. Can you share your thoughts upon wrapping up the EP and putting it out?

Yes definitely! Putting my music out there has always been a dream of mine, and to finally be able to say that I’ve written and put out an EP that’s made of my sweat and tears – a part of the journey as a person and musician – is exhilarating and at the same time relieving, to say the least. I can’t say it enough, but I’m proud of what I’ve achieved with this EP.

What pushed the narrative of the songs in this EP?

I think there were a few themes and broad ideas in my mind when I first set out to write this EP. I wanted to write retrospectively, based on my previous experiences, the struggles and pain I felt. But at the same time, I also wanted to write from a place of walking out from all of that. I wanted the EP, and the way the tracks are structured, to kind of tell that story and progress of how I felt then, and now – after being able to mostly heal from certain traumas in my life.

I was writing this EP while juggling with a full-time job and being with family, so I didn’t have the luxury of, y'know, sitting in a room and meditating on my emotions while trying to get into the right headspace. For me, I had to be constantly thinking of ideas and writing on the go, while commuting to and from work; that kinda thing. I think that process did help me to inculcate a sense of always being ready when lyrics or even melodies suddenly pop into my head.

“I can’t say it enough, but I’m proud of what I’ve achieved with this EP.” (Credit: Adriel Manoe)

Is there a song on the record that’s particularly meaningful for you? Or do they all carry equal emotional weight?

If you’re asking about a song with a certain sentimental value, I think “Up/Away” is one that was particularly special to me because it was a song that came from a project I abandoned a while ago. Some backstory: As I mentioned previously, writing and releasing music was always a dream of mine, but I never felt good enough to do so. And so, I started projects and aborted them time and time again until I had a wake-up call where I thought I was going to die while being admitted into an ICU for three nights, which pushed me to start per[sona.

“Up/Away” was a song from my previous project which was a song indirectly about me wanting to attempt suicide at a point of my life. It was one of the tracks that stood out and I thought it would have been quite poetic in some way, and cathartic for me, to have this track featured in this EP.

On a musical level, how do you approach the assembly of your songs? I can definitely see the Trent Reznor influence in your works, in that they are diverse and unorthodox while saluting the idiosyncrasies of alt-rock.

Yes! Trent Reznor definitely is one of the biggest influences in my life, musically. I’m not afraid to say that my whole identity as a musician literally changed the moment I saw Nine Inch Nails play live at Fort Canning Park back in 2009.

Anyway, I always start off with a certain sound first, whether it’s a certain texture/pad or a synth patch and I just start layering and layering with either more sounds, or different melodies and chords, until I feel like it’s done. I then dissect it into a more structured form where it works as a song. I always think of it as me building this huge massive hamburger, and then later taking it apart and placing the pieces in a way that would make sense.

You worked with the legendary Leonard Soosay on this EP. How was that experience for you?

It was an absolute pleasure to work with him! He added tons of subtle changes to the songs that I would never have thought to do otherwise. I learned so much about the production process just from working with him.

While the songs are written solo, it’s clear that they’re meant to be realised live with a full band. Is the full band experience an important consideration in your compositions?

If you ask me, I think per[sona definitely sounds better live. Playing shows was one of the biggest things I was looking forward to when completing this EP. I think nothing beats the live experience, hearing your music being interpreted by other musicians, and seeing a crowd respond to your music. Then COVID-19 happened.

But I’m glad that I was able to play at least two shows before everything else got cancelled, and I’m really looking forward to being able to play my music in front of an audience again.

Lastly, with the release of the EP, can you now say that you’ve found an algorithm that works for your life?

I don’t think I have, and I don ’t think I’ll ever find something that will get me to 100%. We’re human after all. But I think the process of healing and growing will never cease. I’ll say I’ve come a long way since writing this EP, but I’ve got a longer way to go.

You can now listen to the debut EP of per[sona, These Algorithms Don’t Work Anymore. Follow his Facebook and Instagram pages to stay updated with his activities.